Are You Australian?

Answer these 14 simple questions and add up your score. See the bottom to establish your Australian-ness!

1. What did you eat for breakfast;
a) A croissant and caffe late (minus 1 point)
b) Vegemite on toast and a cup of warm Milo (2 points)
c) Damper (3 points)
d) 17 Weet Bix and a left-over slice of pizza (4 points)

2. What are the Olympic Games;
a) A corporate event designed to promote Nike (correct, but minus 1 point)
b) A great sporting event which is held around the world – but the best ones were in Sydney and Melbourne (1 point)
c) The only time it is permissable to watch a game of women’s hockey (2 points)
d) An international swimming carnival which includes several other sports so that non-Australians will attend (4 points)

3. What is a pub;
a) A place in England where warm beer is served (minus 2 points)
b) A social venue for meeting mates after work for “a couple of quiet
> ones” (1 point)
c) A secure beer storage facility (3 points)
d) The place you were born and, in all likelihood, will die (4 points)

4. What is work;
a) A place where you go and show respect to those put in positions of authority (minus 3 points)
b) A place you go so mates won’t call you a “bludger” (1 point)
c) A place where you earn money, which can then be exchanged for beer (2 points)
d) A place where you do footy tips. (4 points)

5. Describe your last holiday;
a) Went to Disneyland with the wife and kids (minus 2 points)
b) Mystery flight to Perth (2 points)
c) Drove around Australia with your parents, which required you to miss a year of school (3 points)
d) Went on a footy trip to Port Lincoln with the lads, but it was cut
> short when Macca threw up in the team bus (4 points)

6. What is cricket:
a) A small insect which keeps you awake at night (minus 2 points)
b) An English version of baseball involving men in white clothing and
rowing paddles (0 points)
c) An excuse to drink copious amounts of beer and get surnburnt while
wearing nothing but a pair of Stubbies and a sombrero (3 points)
d) The sport which gave us Boonie! (4 points)

7. What is the MCG;
a) A gangsta rapper (minus 3 points)
b) A new burger at McDonald’s (minus 1 point)
c) A place where 100,000 Australians will go to watch 36 guys wearing singlets in winter (3 points)
d) The only reason to visit Melbourne (4 points)

8. What kind of car do you drive;
a) You don’t own a car, walking is far healthier and better for the
environment (minus 3 points)
b) A European sports machine with leather seats and a sun roof (0 points)
c) A Holden – because Fords are for poofters (3 points)
d) An oversized sedan which gets 3.2km to a tank of fuel and, despite the fact it has never been off bitumen, is fully equipped with 4WD, bull bar and outback survival features. (4 points)

9. Who is The Man from Snowy River;
a) The guy who brings presents every Christmas (minus 2 points)
b) Australia’s third prime minister (0 points)
c) Some bloke who did something with horses and loved a girl called
Jessica (2 points)
d) Tom Burlinson (8 points)

10. What is Home and Away;
a) A song by Bruce Springsteen (minus 2 points)
b) A song by Bruce Samazan (1 point for trying)
c) The 22 games played before the finals (3 points)
d) A heap of shite that English TV stations actually pay money for (4

11. How are you most likely to die;
a) Shot in a Harlem side street moving drugs for a bloke named Bubba (minus 2 points)
b) Bashed in a Sydney side street for perving on your mate’s ex-girlfriend (2 points)
c) Red-back spider bite or shark attack (3 points)
d) A deadly mixture of alcohol poisoning and dim sim over-consumption (4 points)

12. What will they say at your funeral;
a) He lived a good and healthy life (0 points)
b) He lived a good life (1 point)
c) Stupid bastard, I told him he was too pissed to eat that many dim sims (3 points)
d) Let’s go to the pub, he would have wanted it that way! (4 points)

13. Complete the following phrase… Aussie, Aussie Aussid;

a) Around the corner chocolate’s made (minus 2 points)
b) Ooh Aah Glenn McGrath (0 points)
c) Oi! Oi! Oi! (2 points)
d) Piss off mate, you’re a national embarrassment! (4 points)

14. Which is a line from Australia’s national anthem;
a) O say can you see (minus 2 points)
b) Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong (1 point)
c) Australians all let us rejoice for we are young and free (2 points)
d) A hard earned thirst needs a big cold beer, and the best cold beer is
Vic (4 points)

Less than zero: You are un-Australian (and, because you are un-Australian, you don’t realise what a big insult that is!)
1-10: You believe Crocodile Dundee was historically accurate
11-20: You recognise cricket when you see it, but don’t understand the LBW rule.
21-22: You understand the LBW rule, but become confused when it involves not playing a shot.
23-40: You are getting there but require a bit more hard drinking
41-59: G’day mate, how ya doin’?
60: Full marks? How did David Boon get on this email list?

Couldn’t be stuffed adding up: You’re definitely an Aussie

Scrolled straight to the bottom to see if there was an attachment showing tits: Aussie Aussie Aussie


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